 |
|
Excerpts from 'Running Through the Millennium' by Lynn David Newton Chapter 10: Getting Close Chapter 10: GETTING CLOSE Do You Want To Know A Secret Monday, December 27, 1999Yesterday at 9:00 AM, the 6-day Across the Years footrace began. The official obese dubification of the aggregate is: The 17th Annual 6-Day, 48-Hour, 24-Hour Run, Walk, Nap, and Eat Across the Years, Decades, Centuries, and Millennia Races. Regardless of what the majority believe concerning when the new millennium starts, the runners are in motion as I write. I've seen a vision of the future. By 2050, human fitness standards will have changed. Everyone, including women, will run even winter trail marathons barefoot and bare-chested. The athletic shoe industry will collapse, with the survivors hanging on by diversifying into buying up Starbucks franchises. In 2050 runners will wear only shorts made out of a yet-to-be-invented miracle fiber that regenerates life to the wearer, one that transmits hydration, electrolytes, and energy to the body by osmosis. It will be necessary to replenish the fabric simply by wading every fifty miles or so through a tub of Skippy peanut butter. Most people will learn to love this requirement. The men's world record for the marathon will stand at 1:29:55, and the women's record at 1:28:20. The women will achieve superior performance because of their efforts to run from the men chasing them. And no one will much care any longer when the new millennium began.
Excerpts from 'Running Through the Millennium' by Lynn David Newton |